Sunday School Humor

STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut a steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, asked the teacher, "Can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Church Smiles
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign ... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust. Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

Give me a sense of humor, Lord, The grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.

The continuation...

*I'm sorry that it took so long for me to write the continuation of what happened with my mother-in-law. The Internet has been working fine for the past couple of weeks (my husband found out that it was his computer that was messing with the router which in turn was screwing up the modem so he spent a weekend working on it), but my friend and my brother had sent me some games on Facebook a while ago and I have become totally addicted to these games! So the fault lies on me this time.*

Then on Sunday I had gone to church and Kelly told me that all the letter was basically asking for was the boys' forgiveness. She could have a least talked to the boys in person instead of writing them letters. Chuck already forgave her a long time ago, he just hasn't had the opportunity to tell her yet. When Church got out and as we were piling into the van Carrie asked her dad when their mamaw would be coming over. He had told her about 12:30. When I got home Chuck had told me that his mom and Joanne had stopped in while I was at church. She didn't know that Bebe had died about a year ago and when Chuck had told her he said she looked as though she were about to cry. I found this weird because I know for a fact that I had sent an e-mail to Joanne and Bill a few days after it had happened. She was disappointed because I wasn't there (I just started going back to church about a year ago) and she did not like Gracie at all, but she did like all of the work that we have done to the inside of our house (she loved the carpet and our new accessible toilet with the bars that we bought). I saw the letter that she had wrote to Chuck lying on my desk and I was getting ready to open it, because I was dying to know what she had written. But Chuck had seen me and took the letter from my hands and threw it behind my monitor (where I can't reach). I told him I basically know what it is about but I want to read it anyway, and Chuck told me that his brother read his and he said that it was no big deal. That she was leaving again... but where? We do not know.

Then we sat down to watch a movie when there was a knock on the door. Chuck had opened the door and Sharon and Joanne had walked in. They had said that they had wanted to come back and at least say goodbye to me. She looks a lot different now, healthier, thinner and even tanner. She says that she works out every day by lifting weights and doing stretches... now why didn't she do this while she was married to the dad? She mainly stopped in earlier to see Bebe and was very disappointed to learn that she had died, as she was saying this Joanne just stood there like a bump on a log and acted surprised when Chuck and I had explained what all had happened to Bebe. She also told us that she had paid off that entire bill for the credit card machine and doesn't understand why we still receive phone calls from the debt collection agency, she figures that Carol must still be using the credit card that they were given and not paying them back. That does seem very possible, so I definitely believe her on this one because I can see Carol doing this.

She had stayed talking with us for quite some time it was nice to be able to see her and talk with her instead of hearing and relying only on what other people have said about her. She was saying that she wanted to see everyone one last time because she was getting ready to leave and will never see anyone again. It took quite a while and then we finally got it out of her where she was going. She is going to Bangladesh because her husband is losing his job and doesn't know what he will do (so she is going over there to make it harder on him because he will need to feed her also because she cannot possibly help out by working until she at least understands the language), also because Rassell's parents are pushing him to marry someone over there since he cannot be with Sharon. So Sharon wants to go over there so they stop trying to make him be with someone else. We all kept saying that she can't keep doing this to us, entering our lives again and then boom saying goodbye and leaving again. That is not fair to us because we are (Chuck and I) willing to accept Rassell into our lives, I kept telling her that she could at least come to visit both her and Rassell or else they could send us a letter or even e-mail us. After saying this she nodded her head and then left. So I do not know if she got what we were trying to say or if that was the last time that we would see her. Although, she did say to Chuck right before getting into her van "see you later". Leaves you wondering?!