First an apology and then a hilarious joke

I have not written a post on here in a while. I am feeling just fine, but the weather has just been so cold here lately that I have not felt much like getting on my computer. My computer is by a couple of big windows that are old and they leak air. It is fine in the summer but the winter is another story, especially this one!

The Miracle of Toilet Paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breast to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop and ask, "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He is still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again. Stupid, stupid man.

A birthday surprise!

I have been wanting to write about what happened to me this past weekend, but Monday I got sick with diarrhea so I had to keep going to the bathroom (seems to happen every time I start), and Tuesday the Internet was down all day.

I had a long weekend but an exciting one! My friend had graduated from college in December and was having a graduation party in March. I do not know the full reason she wanted to wait so long, but I think it had something to do with her being on spring break. She got a bachelors in biology (I think in Environmental Studies) and couldn't find a job, so she enrolled in mid-Michigan Community College into the Nursing program. A couple of weeks ago I got an invitation to her graduation party in the mail, I did not want to go at first because I saw that she was having it in the Mormon Church. There is nothing wrong with the Mormon Church, I know that for a fact because I have been there many many times before. I just do not agree with their religion, I especially did not like the way they separate the congregation. They were together during the service but right afterwards all of the men went one way and the women went the other way to do a type of Bible study. I just didn't understand this because the Bible clearly states how all people (men and women ) are children of God and will be accepted into the kingdom of heaven, so I do not understand why separate them? Shouldn't they all learn together? The children were kept together still in their own type of Bible study... but that's how a lot of churches do it nowadays. However I do know a lot of Mormon people and I think they are really cool individuals! Anyways, I was afraid they would have some type of Mormon service and I didn't want to have to listen to Chuck complain about it. But after learning that they would have it in their back rooms I decided to go. It was on Friday and started at 4 and went until 8, but because it was on a weekday and Chuck has to work we did not get there until 7. It was fun, I hadn't met her husband yet and I finally got the chance! I invited them over for my birthday in a couple of weeks, I do hope they can come though since she is such a busybody she may have made plans already.

Saturday we didn't do much at all, I just hung around the house and played my game while Chuck plowed the driveway. We had been invited over to my brother-in-law's house on Sunday afternoon to celebrate his wife's birthday. I was disappointed and felt somewhat left out because we usually celebrate our birthdays together. But I figured that since she is turning 40 she may be wanting to celebrate it with her family because the weekend they are to have the kids again (which is my birthday that Saturday) is on Easter weekend and their mother/stepmom may want them for the holiday... like she has every single holiday in the past several years! I went to church with them that morning (Sunday morning), and my niece asked her dad if Chuck and I were coming over for dinner. I was thinking

"I am right here, you can always ask me what my plans are",

but I didn't say anything because her dad said to her

"Yes and remember what I told you?"

Her brother started whispering something to her but I could not hear him, then she said,

"Oh yeah!"

Right then I knew something was up, but I didn't know what for sure. Then coming out of church Kelly asked me if I liked cheesecake with cherry topping and I thought

"It's your birthday why does it matter what I like?"'

Then I went home and we went over there a couple of hours later. People started arriving (her parents and my/her in-laws) and she wanted to have the cake and ice cream first... my brother-in-law said it must be a 40-year-old thing. She got out two cakes and put them on the table and was getting ready to put candles in them, while she was doing that my brother-in-law turned to me and said,

"Oh by the way, we are celebrating your birthday too."

Everyone knew about it and brought me gifts to, even in my own husband knew about it! I told my mom on the phone about the party and that I have always wanted a surprise party and I finally got one! I only had to wait 33 years to get one though. That was a very cool birthday!

The continuation...

I finally got Gracie potty trained! Well actually, I shouldn't take all the credit because I know God helped me with it. She still has accidents every now and then but nothing major and nothing on the carpet. But what can you expect? She is only four months old and it is getting really cold outside! It would make me so mad whenever Chuck would tell me that I could not do it, whenever she would pee on the carpet or somewhere in the house he would pitch a fit and say we are always going to live like this! But now I love to tease him and say "and you told me I couldn't do it!"

Speaking of getting colder, I have been waking up to snow on the
ground for a couple days now. It doesn't stick or anything... usually it has been gone by the afternoon, but I still do not like the snow it makes it harder for me to get outside and get around. I did order Gracie a hoodie to help me get her to go outside during the day. It is purple -- well actually violate -- in color with pink rolls on the bottom and the arms and the hood is purple and white striped. She loves it! It looks so adorable on her, I took some pictures but I need Chuck to put the memory card in my computer and then I will post them.

I forgot to tell you all about what was going on with my brother-in-law during this time. He started dating someone at this time, I hadn't met her yet but the kids seemed to like her. I learned the weird story about what was going on from Chuck, Ken's ex-wife was dating a guy whom was divorced also (I think they started seeing each other before he was divorced, but I am not sure). Those two met while dropping off both of their kids (she also has 2). Then that Thanksgiving, a couple of weeks after Sharon's suicidal attempt, my father-in-law and his girlfriend were having Thanksgiving dinner at their house so we all went over there. Ken and his girlfriend were going to be there and she had an engagement ring on that was given to her by Ken a few days earlier. They were getting married in about a week. I really liked her, she seemed really nice but was way too quiet! During the next week before they got married they went over and met Sharon at the house. After their meeting Sharon came over to talk to me. Boy, Sharon did not have one good thing to say about Kelly! I think it was due to her not having been the one to pick out Ken's new girlfriend because she was always trying to set Ken up soon after his divorce. What she kept pointing out was that Kelly would not shut up, she kept talking and asking personal questions and wondering about the cost of things. Things that were really none of her business. I asked "Are we talking about the same Kelly?"

What really surprised me was the fact that Kelly is such a divine Christian woman and has set and lives by high morals. Well so is Sharon... well so everybody thought. Sharon, herself, was always reading the Bible and listening to Christian music and watching the Christian channel on TV. She also set pretty high morals, but I do not think she lived by them. For instance she had taught both boys not to have sex before marriage but I do know that she was pregnant when she was only 16 and lost it a couple of months later and married the guy several years later!

Then in December they got married and moved in to Ken's house, so it became the six of them instead of the three. Chuck refers to them as the Brady Bunch! I enjoy having her around, she is much more accepting of me in my situation than any of the other females in this family (Ken's ex-wife and my mother-in-law). Ken seems happier and the kids seem to really love having her there also. Sometime earlier this year she and Ken started bringing me to church with them since my husband will not go. I am so grateful for that, since I am in a wheelchair and do not drive I do not get out of the house much so I do not know anybody in this town... except for those I have been introduced to by my husband or my mother-in-law/father-in-law. I love being able to get out of the house to be with other Christian's every week.