My first job?

I made a slide show with music of Sharon's new house and e-mailed it to Rassel for her. He loved it and so did Sharon. I took the pictures of the dresses they had taken and even some pictures I had taken and put them in a slide show set to music. They both loved it and decided to play it for people in the shop that needed a broader view of the dress. Sharon then offered me a job of making slideshows of peoples weddings for the person, they would offer this option on the flyers and in this shop while people were trying on dresses. I thought this would be fun and I was so excited and couldn't wait to get started.

I was still not talking to candy at this time, and I found out that Sharon had asked if she would be willing to take pictures at the wedding and give the pictures to me. Once I found this out, I was no longer as excited as I was before. When Candy was hired to be my attendant, she basically used that excuse for free room and board. I used to watch Boston Public every Monday night at nine o'clock, I needed to take a shower so I had asked her to help me take one before my show started and she kept dragging her feet as nine o'clock approached. Finally she got me in there, but when I was finished and she came in to help me back to my wheelchair the phone started to ring. She quickly threw me on the shower chair... I was barely sitting on it and grabbed the bar, but since I was still damp I started slipping... to answer the phone. It was just my brother in law calling candy (his girlfriend) to chat. She decided she'd rather talk to Ken for the next 15 minutes then help me! I started screaming for her to help me as I was slipping, she finally came but I was mad and I kept telling her that she could at least told Ken to call her back in five minutes he would have called you back. She went and grabbed me really hard under the arms, banging my two front teeth on the bar as she sat me back on the chair. I was very angry and hurt at this time so I told her that now I have missed the beginning of my show thanks to you, it was only Ken and he could have called you back in five minutes! She got angry with me and started yelling at me that I was so selfish that I only care about what happened to me and I said if you want to see selfish take a look in the mirror sometime, and then she left me on the chair in the shower and walked out the door slamming it shut. Her four-year-old son heard the commotion and he opened the door and started yelling that I was so selfish. I studied child development so I pretty much knew that little children imitated the actions of their elders, but she could have at least told him no. I was on the shower chair for about 20 minutes and I thought it over and came to the conclusion that I would have to apologize or else I would be in the shower forever. I then apologized to her (even though I didn't mean it) and she got me out of the bathroom. After that ordeal I started looking in to a replacement. I found one and I asked her to leave.

Because of this Chuck had to take a dishonorable discharge so he could come home early. So no one found it necessary to talk with her anymore. I still liked her and thought of her quite often, but I was needing a little break from her. Everyone agreed with me, that's why it took me by surprise that Sharon (who told me I was in the right so she wouldn't talk to her either) was still talking with her.

Oh no, not another one!

Just thought I'd let you in on the happenings with the dog, Grover. Thursday afternoon he started to get sick, by throwing up and not keeping anything down. However he was drinking and that was good, until he started puking up the water. He would show signs that he was improving, so we didn't feel it necessary to take him to the vet. Friday he still would not eat but he would drink water. That evening, since we were still unable to figure out the type of food he ate, I gave him the last lick of my chicken pot pie on my finger. He ate that really good. I did not want to over do it, so I let him eat the last little bit of what was left (which was the gravy). He seemed to perk up and even played with Chuck. Saturday we went to Chuck's dad to introduce Mitzy and Grover (we are babysitting Mitzy this week) and Grover did just fine. That is until he threw up his soft canned food on their front lawn and he started moping around again. We brought him home and he wouldn't drink nor eat anything. Saturday night was horrible, he kept hacking and having dry heaves, then he started having diarrhea really bad and kept Chuck and I up most of the night. Sunday morning we talked it over and decided it would be better on me to give him to Kelly and have her nurse him back to health since I couldn't do it and even keep him afterwards. After church, she took him home with her and then came back and took me to a special evening session they were having and left the dog home alone... which in my opinion, was a bad choice. After the sermon and dropping me off Ken and Kelly found the dog had died. I am not as upset as I was when Bebe died. I liked that dog and everything but I just wouldn't allow myself to get attached because it was just too early yet. I am sad that he died, but I feel really bad for Kelly because she is probably blaming herself and she fell in love with him that day she picked him out.

Grover

Well I was right, my niece did take it pretty hard. She was depressed for a couple days and to pull her out of her grief, she decided to get us another dog. Chuck and I were not really interested in finding a dog right now. We were going to focus more of our attention on adopting a child and then we as a family would pick one out. However, I understood how she was feeling because I went through the same thing when my aunt's dog died while in my care. So if she wanted to get us another dog to help her I wasn't going to stop her. I didn't find this out until Wednesday afternoon when Chuck called me and told me she was looking for another dog and Ken kept asking him if this dog will work or that one. Chuck kept telling him no, but he should have explained the reason why.

Thursday morning I was at my computer when I heard a knock on the front door. I glanced to my right and looked out the big window and saw Ken and Kelly's white van in our driveway, to be honest my first thought was "oh no, they better not have come with a dog!" Before I had a chance to take off my headset Carrie came bounding in the room all excited. She said that she had a surprise for me outside. When we got to the door, Carrie opened it and in walked Kelly holding a dog on a leash. They had picked out a little orange Pomeranian from the pound. It had been there a while and was about to be put down. He already has been neutered and looks pretty healthy and I think he is already housebroken (but I still have to check on him every half hour because it is new surroundings and I am still not 100% sure that he is totally housebroken) except they are not certain about his age... we are guessing about 1. He also didn't have a name that they knew of so I told Carrie she could name him. She couldn't think of a name that he seemed to like, so I said the first name that came to mind... Grover. He seemed to like that name and so did everyone else, so that is the name we gave him.

When I first got him, he was active and perky and was running around playing with Brenden and Carrie and licking our fingers. Brenden and Carrie spent the afternoon with me to help me with Grover in case he wasn't potty trained yet. He was all happy to be playing when them, but a few hours later he started throwing everything up. He would go drink his water like there was no tomorrow then he would throw it up. He would not only throw up his water, but his food too. After that all he wanted to do was sleep. I do not know if it was his nerves from being in a new place making him sick or from the kids causing him to much excitement. But today all he does is lay around and he will not eat. Even my friend came over and knew right away that he was sick and told me try a little can dog food.

This evening when Chuck came home, he had bought some puppy food for him. We are unsure of his true age but everybody guesstimates about one and when I did research on the Internet for Pomeranian it would always say to give them dry dog food. He also got him to try a little Pepto-Bismol to see if that would help settle his stomach. Then we ate pot pie's and I decided to give him the last little bite by putting it on my finger for him to lick off. That seemed to help because once I did that he seemed to perk up and even played with Chuck a little bit. So now we know that we need to get to him soft can food. He's still not as active as he was yesterday, but at least he is showing signs of improvement!

A painful loss

My niece and nephew stayed over Sunday night. Monday morning I asked Carrie to fold up the couch bed so I could get around, she came over and folded it up and put it away. I had a candy bar in my hands that I was unwrapping, usually my dog hears the noise right a way and comes running up by me waiting for me to give her some. When she didn't come I figured Brenden had let her out. A couple minutes later Carrie asked me where Bebe was, she looked all around outside but couldn't find her then we looked all around the house and kept calling her name but she still didn't come. Then I looked at Carrie and said you didn't fold her in the couch did you? So she quickly took out the bed and started freaking out when she got to the last fold. Brenden ran out to help his sister fold out the rest of the couch and there was Bebe tangled in the blanket and in a pool of drool. She was breathing in and out really fast and her nose was dry. I called Chuck to take her to the vet, they were unable to slow her heart rate down so Chuck had her put to sleep.

I miss having Bebe around and Chuck is taking it hard himself, he wonders if maybe he made the wrong choice in having Bebe put down. He wonders if she would have made it through if we would have left her alone. Now what I am worried about is how my niece is handling the news. She is only a nine year old little girl and she was so fond of Bebe and now I am afraid she will start thinking that it was all her fault since she was the one who folded up the bed.

I realize that I have not yet gotten to the part where Sharon gave me Bebe. But she did and I think that was one of her best decisions she has ever made. Do not worry, I will be coming to that part soon!

Here is a picture of Bebe:

RIP my Bebe girl!

I am still here...

Oh my, the week is almost over and I have not written any posts yet. But I doubt anyone has missed me anyway. I have been reading a book I got over a week a go and I couldn't put it down! It was a real page turner, was a suspenseful mystery type book even with a bit of sex thrown in. I loved it! The only problem is now I have nothing to read when I go outside since I finished it last night so now I have to wait until Saturday to get another one.

I had a doctors appointment last Friday and things went well. The last time Chuck and I went in to see her, we were not at all impressed with her attitude. She seemed very moody and/or tired, so I was going to give her one more shot and if she still had a negative attitude then I would start looking for another doctor. But her attitude was greatly improved by our next visit, so I'm staying. I wasn't sick or anything but I had to see the doctor in order to get some refills on my insulin, and now I just need to go get my blood work done. But I can't get it done until I find a way we can pay for it. It makes me angry though when doctors keep telling you what not to do and what not to eat over and over and over, like they presume you are mentally incompetent. It's like "I know this stuff already I'm not stupid". She was trying to convince us that we need to be taking two shots per day and I tried telling her that even with just taking one my sugar still goes low and I have to eat a candy bar or something sweet to raise my sugar, but she would not listen to me just kept telling us that we needed to take two so that it will even out my glucose levels instead of being high all the time. But the really funny part is that every time I get my blood work done to figure out my average glucose, it always is and always has been really really really good... excellent! So I am now wondering if I am really truly diabetic? I am always eating things that I'm not supposed to, like candy bars and Pop tarts and cake and ice cream and sugar cookies and rice crispy treats and fudge... and the list goes on and on. So Chuck told me not to worry about her and eat what I want like I have been doing because I have been doing just fine.

I watch Maury everyday in the afternoon, except I tend to change the channel unless it is a show on my paternity tests. I like those shows, I like hearing the reasons that they sometimes give for not being the father... "that baby is too fat to be mine" or "that child is too obnoxious to be mine". This afternoon I turned in on to Maury to see what the topic was about before turning it. He was talking to different people about their phobias and giving them help. When I flipped it on a lady was on there describing her fear of cotton balls and how she would have a recurring nightmare of a man made of cotton balls trying to kill her. Maury just kept laughing at her, but when a man dressed in cotton balls approached her and started to chase her off the stage that was taking it too far! So I turned it.

Her move

While Sharon was getting ready to move into the house, she was just finishing up the work on the rental. As she was doing the repair work, she got another dog. This time it was a one year old, long hair, Shitzu named Dutchess. She also started speaking to Ken again, she would let him remove some of the trees in the trailer yard that were dead already. Ken and Chuck also helped their mother put up new drywall inside of the trailer. Whenever the boys went over there, I would go too. As they were working outside I would stay in and talk to Sharon and Carol. Ken would even go over and offer to help his mom without us being there. At one point, he was over there and offered to help his mom take out some old carpet to the dump. It was already rolled up and leaning against the enclosed porch wall and it had been there for several weeks. But his mom told Ken not to worry about it because she already had help with that. He then offered to help his mom to patch some holes in the wall, but his mom said no she already had help with that. He even offered to help her paint, but she already had help with that. After a while Ken gave up and went home... which I don't blame him, I would have given up too.

When Sharon was moving in to her new house, Chuck and Ken and I went over to the house and looked at what we could do to help her out. It was so neat inside, but was huge for just one person and her dog! The house was three stories, what was to be the shop was on the first level, the kitchen and living room and main bathroom and two bedrooms were on the second story, three bedrooms and a half bath were on the third story. Lucky for me I was in my manual so Chuck was able to pull me up the steps. We had an old door that was left in our basement when we moved in, so we gave that door to his mom so she could block off the upstairs so she wouldn't have to heat it.

I had only seen her dog, Dutchess, once when she was working on the trailer and it was playing around with Bebe. Before she was able to move in, she had decided to give her away because she didn't seem to like the house when Sharon, the pastor and Carol moved Sharon in.

There is nothing more depressing than Social Security

You know what makes me really mad? This Social Security and everything being income based. I have never had a job, except for babysitting when I was younger, so I could never put money into Social Security. When I was attending Kansas State, I started drawing SSI. I needed to make money somehow and this was the only way I knew how. When I got married, my husband was in the Army and I reported it, I was still able to draw some money just not as much. Six months later I moved to Michigan and started to draw SSI again, I was even able to get Medicaid. Chuck and I were going to school and were still able to draw it in during school year, but as soon as the summer started and Chuck went to work I no longer drew as much. Once Chuck was activated and went to New Jersey, I was no longer able to draw SSI because he was making too much money. I moved to an apartment on campus so I could stay in school and still get my student loans. But I was no longer able to get Medicaid, so I had to pray that nothing would happen. If an emergency came up I would have to go several miles to an Army hospital.

I wish I was still able to get SSI, but no. According to their guidelines, Chuck makes to much money. He only makes a mere $800 every two weeks, granted that is more than the measly $500 a month I was getting from SSI, but they seem to have forgotten that out of that paycheck there are bills that need to be paid. So after each paycheck, we are lucky to have enough money for groceries... we do need to eat... and for my medical supplies... my husband's work insurance requires a co-pay each time we pick up a refill on my medications. Since I no longer qualify for Medicaid, we have to cover the rest the doctors bill that the insurance won't cover.

I am the one in charge of the figuring out our finances every two weeks, I end up balling my eyes out because we will not be able to afford living for another two weeks. It makes me really depressed knowing I can not help and wishing I could.

Medicaid will cover in-home care, but since Chuck and I can no longer get it (Medicaid is now income based too) and we have to rely on his work insurance and his insurance will not cover in-home care. I am stuck at home all by myself during the day while Chuck is at work. I am getting slightly weaker as the days pass and desperately need some help with things. I have to make all my meals in the microwave, I no longer trust the nobility in my arms to make anything on the stove top or the oven. For our dinners, Chuck usually makes it not I (which I always thought was the stay-at-home persons job) and that makes me feel even worse. If I was to drop something, I would either need to wait for Chuck to come home after work or call him to come home right away to get some thing for me... lucky for me, he now works right down the street. I hate doing that because he needs to work so we can hopefully get to a bigger paycheck. Since I am alone, I cannot use the bathroom. I have to wear a pull--up throughout the day, and pray that I won't have to go poop! And boy, I have such a diaper rash it isn't even funny!

Just this afternoon my microphone wire got all tangled up in my chair wheel and I had to call Chuck home to untangle it so I could go let the dog out. Then I had to call him back to come home and plug-in my microphone because it had come unplugged. Now my feet have fallen off the feat rests and are dangling by the tires, so I have to tilt my chair back so my feet won't get caught in the wheels. If only it had someone here to help me while Chuck is gone.

How are the rest of my friends able to get to help and still have jobs? I need help too and the government isn't willing to help. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Fall in love but never get married? That's not fair!

A new house and a shop

A few months later, Carol convinced Sharon to open up a bridal shop with her. Sharon did not know the first thing about running a business but Carol had experience with one, so they decided to go in together and start a business. They would go to different bridal shops that were going out of business and get a good deal on dresses and their accessories. They would also shop at thrift stores, such as goodwill. Sharon was the one buying everything for the shop, it all was coming out of the money she had after her divorce settlement.

then put the pictures on my computer and make a slide show on CD, sometimes I would even set the pictures to music. They look some beautiful pictures, there was one of a girl in a white dress on the grass with the dress spread out all around her and was in a heart shape. Although they could have used some better lookShe would borrow my camera to take pictures of the group of people that were wearing her dresses. Carol was selling different floral arrangements that she had made out of silk flowers, that they would also take pictures of. Although they could have used some better looking models, the woman were just too old to be wearing a white dress... they were either extremely overweight or were covered in wrinkles or sags. Looking over the pictures just about made me want to turn away from the screen, I could just about imagine someone else's reaction when they tried to view it before buying a dress.

As this was going on, Sharon was in the process of looking for a business to buy or rent for their shop, and they were also looking in to different lawyers to set up a legal small business. After a couple weeks they legalized their shop and chose the name Precious Peacock. She also was able to locate a place they could use as a shop, it was a three story home downtown with five bedrooms and two baths, the downstairs was once used as a jewelry store so Sharon and Carol thought it would be perfect. Sharon bought this house even though the house was on a lean with most of the money that she had set a side from her divorce settlement. I went to take a tour of the house after she had bought it, it was absolutely gorgeous! The backyard was awesome and big with a big old fire pit that was surrounded by a boardwalk and benches, with a wooden jungle gym a few yards away. There was even a small wooden gazebo between the fire pit and the jungle gym. The downstairs shop was kind of small, but whatever floats their boat, besides it was their decision not mine.

Before buying this house, Chuck did try to convince his mom not to to buy it. He told her it was just to big for one person, she should have kept that trailer for herself because it was a perfect size for just her. But his mom would not hear of it, kept reassuring him that all would be great and work out just fine.