There is nothing more depressing than Social Security

You know what makes me really mad? This Social Security and everything being income based. I have never had a job, except for babysitting when I was younger, so I could never put money into Social Security. When I was attending Kansas State, I started drawing SSI. I needed to make money somehow and this was the only way I knew how. When I got married, my husband was in the Army and I reported it, I was still able to draw some money just not as much. Six months later I moved to Michigan and started to draw SSI again, I was even able to get Medicaid. Chuck and I were going to school and were still able to draw it in during school year, but as soon as the summer started and Chuck went to work I no longer drew as much. Once Chuck was activated and went to New Jersey, I was no longer able to draw SSI because he was making too much money. I moved to an apartment on campus so I could stay in school and still get my student loans. But I was no longer able to get Medicaid, so I had to pray that nothing would happen. If an emergency came up I would have to go several miles to an Army hospital.

I wish I was still able to get SSI, but no. According to their guidelines, Chuck makes to much money. He only makes a mere $800 every two weeks, granted that is more than the measly $500 a month I was getting from SSI, but they seem to have forgotten that out of that paycheck there are bills that need to be paid. So after each paycheck, we are lucky to have enough money for groceries... we do need to eat... and for my medical supplies... my husband's work insurance requires a co-pay each time we pick up a refill on my medications. Since I no longer qualify for Medicaid, we have to cover the rest the doctors bill that the insurance won't cover.

I am the one in charge of the figuring out our finances every two weeks, I end up balling my eyes out because we will not be able to afford living for another two weeks. It makes me really depressed knowing I can not help and wishing I could.

Medicaid will cover in-home care, but since Chuck and I can no longer get it (Medicaid is now income based too) and we have to rely on his work insurance and his insurance will not cover in-home care. I am stuck at home all by myself during the day while Chuck is at work. I am getting slightly weaker as the days pass and desperately need some help with things. I have to make all my meals in the microwave, I no longer trust the nobility in my arms to make anything on the stove top or the oven. For our dinners, Chuck usually makes it not I (which I always thought was the stay-at-home persons job) and that makes me feel even worse. If I was to drop something, I would either need to wait for Chuck to come home after work or call him to come home right away to get some thing for me... lucky for me, he now works right down the street. I hate doing that because he needs to work so we can hopefully get to a bigger paycheck. Since I am alone, I cannot use the bathroom. I have to wear a pull--up throughout the day, and pray that I won't have to go poop! And boy, I have such a diaper rash it isn't even funny!

Just this afternoon my microphone wire got all tangled up in my chair wheel and I had to call Chuck home to untangle it so I could go let the dog out. Then I had to call him back to come home and plug-in my microphone because it had come unplugged. Now my feet have fallen off the feat rests and are dangling by the tires, so I have to tilt my chair back so my feet won't get caught in the wheels. If only it had someone here to help me while Chuck is gone.

How are the rest of my friends able to get to help and still have jobs? I need help too and the government isn't willing to help. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Fall in love but never get married? That's not fair!