Only in America....

Only in America......a pizza can get to your housefaster than an ambulance.
Only in America......are there handicap parkingplaces in front of a skating rink.
Only in America.....do we use answering machines toscreen calls and then have call waiting so we won'tmiss a call from someone we didn't want to talk toin the first place.
Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walkall the way to the back of the store to get theirprescriptions while healthy people can buycigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors openand then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worththousands of dollars in the driveway and put ouruseless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we! buy hot dogs in packagesof ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics'to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latinmeaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsuckingcreatures'.
Only in America. .....d o they have drive-up ATMmachines with Braille lettering.
Only in America......can a homeless combat veteranlive in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live inthe White House.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouthclosed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?!
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, anddishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called abroker ?
Why is the time of day with the slowest trafficcalled rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethalinjections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! !
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are allstuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress theopposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airportthe terminal?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human raceis doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
[Gee, that's the only time I have to work on myhair]

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! Nopurchase necessary. Details inside".
[Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use likeregular soap."
[And that would be how...?]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Servingsuggestions: Defrost."
[But it's *just* a suggestion]

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom ofbox): "Do not turn upside down".
[Oops, too late, you lose!! ]

6. On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product willbe hot after heating.
[As sure as night follows the day . . . . .]

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not ironclothes on body".
[But wouldn't this save even more time?]

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do notdrive a car or operate machinery after taking thismedication".
[We could do a lot to reduce the rate ofconstruction accidents if we could just get those5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May causedrowsiness".
[One would hope]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indooror outdoor use only".
[As opposed to what?]

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be usedfor the other use".
[I gotta admit, I'm curious].

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Containsnuts".
[NEWS FLASH]

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: open packet,eat nuts."
[Step 3: Fly Delta]

14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of thisgarment does not enable you to fly".
[I don't blame the company. I do blame parents forthis one!]

15. On a Swedish chain saw: " Do not attempt to stopchain with your hands or genitals".
Was there a chance of this happeningsomewhere?.....Good grief!]

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turnto spread the stupidity and send this to someone youwant to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...inother words, send it to everyone. We ALL NEED ASMILE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE America......